30 Days (19)

Day 19 – How socially connected are you as a Dominant? Do you look for others to talk to about your Dominance either for support, learning, educating or networking? Do you go to events or connect through another sort of social grouping either in person or online?

I am not very socially connected as a Dominant. I am usually very private in everything, including D/s. I do talk to a few like minded people on web chat, and I have now started this blog (both my sub’s idea). I read other blogs and websites for information, but I don’t usually participate in the site. I have not attended any live events or other D/s related gathering in person.

30 Days (18)

Day 18 – There is a common misconception that the submissive partner in a D/s relationship loses the ability to have and express an opinion. How does communication factor into your Dominance and what expectations do you have in terms of your submissive expressing their desires and needs? Is it limited in time, place or manner?

Communication is a large component of Dominance. As a Dom you communicate your wants, wishes, and desires, as well as your care and support of your sub. Your sub communicates her submission as well as her needs and wants. Without communication there can’t be Domination or submission.

I expect my sub to talk to me and communicate what she wants, how she is feeling, and talk about everything. Since we are still growing and learning, communication is key, and probably always will be. I can’t read everything about her just by looking, and I need to know what’s going on in order to take care of her. Communication is not limited in time, place, or manner per se, but we do have a rule about using “Sir” while we are doing D/s stuff, and trying to communicate a certain what when talking about D/s activities. That is just a difference in style though, and full communication is still expected.

30 Days (17)

Day 17 – What does trust mean to you in the context of Dominance? How do you inspire trust in your submissive?

Trust is just about everything. Aside from the underlying relationship, the D/s itself requires trust. In Dominance, I must build her trust in me and deserve that trust. I am doing things that are new, different, and push her limits. Without trust I couldn’t do anything like that. She has to trust me to do these things and keep her safe at the same time. Without trust there can’t be any real submission. Without submission there can be no Dominance.

Inspiring trust is done by showing that you can be trusted. I know this is vague and redundant, but it is what it is. The Dom needs to show through action and communication that he can be trusted. Trust is part of the underlying relationship as well as the D/s part of it. It is something built up over time.

30 Days (16)

Day 16 – Have you found that your Dominance has changed with different partners or relationships? If you’re involved with, or have been involved with, partners of both sexes, has your Dominance changed based on gender or do you feel that it is dependent on the submissive as an individual?

This one is short. No. I have only had 1 partner.

30 Days (15)

Day 15 – Has your Dominance evolved over time? If so, how has it evolved for you? What do you attribute this evolution (or lack of) to?

We haven’t been working on D/s for very long, so officially I would say not much. I started wanting sexual submission from my sub, and that’s still what I want. Most of the changes have to do with play activities and behavior in the bedroom, not my Dominance style.

In general we have been building up to D/s over a long period of time (years), but the style has not changed.

30 Days (14)

Day 14 – Does religion have any bearing on your Dominance or the way you expect your partner/s to submit? If not, are you familiar with religious based submission and do you view it as similar to other types of submission or dissimilar?

No. Religion has nothing to do with my Dominance or the way I expect my sub to submit. I am familiar with religious based submission, and it is another type of submission that is for some couples, and not for others. It happens to not be for us.

30 Days (13)

Day 13 – Is sexual availability, having your submissive partner/s sexually available to you at any time and in any manner you choose, part of your expectations as a Dominant? Why or why not? Are there acceptable limits to this? If so, what are they?

Yes. I expect my sub to be sexually available to me in any manner I choose. There are agreed upon limits, and the requests must be reasonable for the time and location. I am also considerate of how she is feeling and other circumstances when I make my requests. This is the basis of our D/s relationship. We are D/s in the sexual context only.

The agreed upon limits are limits on what she is willing to do, willing to try, and not willing to do (hard/soft limits). She also has a safeword than can be used to slow down or stop at any time (as everyone should).