This post is based on my Submissive’s post here. She asked about my views on submissive speech.
A) Please explain what submissive speech means to you. Why is it so important?
Submissive speech is that which indicates submission, opposed to resistance or non-submission. It helps to think about it in the D/s context. In real life (non-D/s), I expect normal speech, disagreement when the situation calls for it, and arguing on points of discussion. In D/s, the speech should be more respectful and tailored to show submission. For example, “Sir”, used with statements of assent or with questions while in D/s mode. It should also not fail to submit, i.e. “I don’t want that today”, vs. “please Sir, may we use this toy?”, or “May I have this type of play today Sir?”. I value your input and suggestions, and letting me know what you want is important, but there is a more submissive way to say things than “I don’t feel like doing that” or pushing me away.
B) What does it bring to our dynamic?
The verbal submission accentuates the physical submission. It helps indicate to me that you are being submissive. It also helps feed my Dom. Hearing the feedback and requests using more submissive speech keeps me in the right mindset. I think it also helps keep you in the right headspace as well.
C) How does it make you feel when it is used?
It makes me feel good. It feeds my Dom and enhances the D/s experience.
D) How does it make you feel when it is not used?
It detracts from the D/s experience and makes me wonder if you are even participating. If the point of D/s is Dominance and submission, how are you showing your submission when your speech is indicating that you aren’t submitting?
E) Please give some good v. bad examples, especially of a negative/dissent type response.
Bad: no, Not today, <pushing hand away>. I don’t feel like that today. Can we do something else?
Good: Please Sir, may we use the leather cuffs instead of handcuffs today?, May I use the ballgag instead of the penis gag today Sir?, Sir, I don’t feel well today, may we play tomorrow?, Sir, I have to use the restroom, may I take care of that and come back so you can play with your slut?
F) “I don’t feel like” or “That’s inconvenient for me” – You seem frustrated. Is this frustration at the phrasing, the comment itself or something else?
Some of it is the phrasing, Some of it is the answer itself. Indicating you are unwell or suggesting a different type of play is good, but simply saying it is inconvenient, or no, or that you don’t feel like doing that isn’t. Communication and saying no in that manner don’t show D/s at all. It sounds more like you aren’t submitting at all. I start to wonder if you are Submitting for me, or for yourself only during times and for activities you want. I wonder if you are really submitting, or just playing a role sometimes during kinky sex.
A real no can always be indicated by using the safewords. Other discussion of activities can also be done during downtime. If the submission is real, the speech should match.