Reader question

A reader asked: “Why is your dominance limited to sex?  You seem a very thoughtful Dom.  Don’t you wish to guide and grow her submission in other areas?.  Why or why not?”

I would say that my Dominance and her submission arose from bdsm play, so it started in sex only. We had already developed a relationship outside of that. The relationship was based on us being equals in everything. We discussed all major decisions, and deferred to the one that had expertise (ex. I choose computers because I know a lot more about them than her.)

I see where many Doms choose clothing for their sub, limit calories, set water requirements, ask for journals, etc. I just have no interest in micromanaging my sub’s life, and neiter does she. We are both professionals and can take care of our own everyday life activities. We are also too busy with life and kids to really think about adding anything else D/s. The rituals at night and D/s stuff are right for us, and each couple has their own unique style of D/s.

We help each other grow in different areas, but we do so without D/s. She doesn’t need any help that could be given by D/s. She may be a bit bratty with sexual D/s, but she is an intelligent professional in everything else.

Brought it.

You may have read MS’ post here.

I just wanted to point out what wonderful handles nipples are, especially for directing a sub where to go.


(Source appears to be, found on Google.)

Clothespin on clit was purely for pain. I liked the effect. It gets better if you flick it with your finger or pull on it a bit.

The tweezing punishment got the most reaction (down there). Definitely something that can be used again. I suppose I wouldn’t be able to do that if it was shaved as it should be…


(found on Google.)

It was a fun experience. I had all day to think of evil things to do for punishment, and she practically invited me to do them. She didn’t think I would really use tweezers.

The punishment seems to have had the desired effect, so now we shall see what the result is.

I still have a few more punishment ideas. Hopefully MS won’t have to find out what they are. If I have to tweeze again, I think I should have some rubbing alcohol on hand to make sure the area is sanitized after the tweezing.



The other night we played, and it didn’t go as planned. First I tried some ropework I saw a video on on youtube. The design was generally correct, but I figured out I was using 25 ft rope instead of 33 ft rope, so it didn’t turn out quite right. We did some spanking, and that was fun. After that I had her on top, with a hitachi wand in the appropriate place. That didn’t work as planned. If it is not exactly right, it has a a numbing effect that takes time to wear off. I didn’t realize I had done that. She also asking if I had planned at all for the session. Finally, I had her on her back while I gave her oral, and it went nowhere (due tot eh previously mentioned numbing). After a while, she abruptly said “this isn’t going anywhere”, in a manner un-befitting our D/s. I sat up and had an internal debate about what to do. I asked her “What am I going to do with you?”, and decided to withhold Orgasm as a punishment. I had never done that before, and it was a hard decision to make. We had discussed it as a possibility in the past, but it was one of the more severe punishments we had thought of. (She also had some punishment earned from prior days to deal with). So at this point, I thought I had handed her a severe punishment, that included all of the prior stuff up until that point. She pushed at that point, accepted it, then proceeded to inform me that it was numb down there and she couldn’t cum anyway. I had no idea what to do at that point. I had already said that it took care of everything, but now I knew that I didn’t really punish her. I don’t want to go back on my word, but I feel a punishment didn’t happen where it should have. I totally misread the situation.

Today she is being a little “Bratty”, like she doesn’t believe I’ll punish her for some new stuff. I know I have to bring my A game and figure it out correctly this time. I have something new to try, but I also have to figure out if she likes it or hates it (funishment vs punishment) because she likes pain.


Yesterday MS asked me if I am a Sadist. She knows I like to inflict pain, but she wanted to know if I classify myself as such. I do. She also likes receiving the pain, so she would be a Masochist. She even asked for a spanking last night (but I had to give a rain-check). Perfect combination. It made me think of this picture (Credit: google):


With a Sadist and a Masochist, this picture becomes true, and a good way to have fun.

In the vanilla world, it is a joke.

“Sex Bears”

MS and I had a chance to play last night, and it was amazing. We had fun and sat down for aftercare when we were finished. MS likes water and gummy bears after sex. I would guess the gummy bears give her a sugar boost to replenish some of the energy it took to play. Last night I asked her if she wanted her “sex bears”, and we had a laugh about that name before I brought them from the kitchen and fed them to her one by one.

Thinking back on it, it seems like something a Dd/lg would do, but we don’t do that dynamic.

Favorite sex bears so far:


Haven’t found one we didn’t like yet, and we have finished one bag already.

Found this too (google):


Fall flat and stand back up

MS and I had talked about her really needing her Dom (me), and I thought I understood what she meant. My head got in the way. MS is past the 6 week mark in recovery from pregnancy, and is recovering well. We still cant do any breast or nipple play due to lactation and tenderness, but most other options are on the table.

MS had been pushing me and testing me for a few days by deliberately not following the rules. I had decided to punish her for it (as agreed in our contract), but hadn’t carried it out yet. I was waiting to see if she started back on the right track on her own.

Last night she did the same rule breaking and lay in bed watching me instead of kneeling (evening ritual). I decided we needed to get back on track, led her out of bed and to kneel where she usually does. That step worked, but that’s where I fell flat. I got out some of our toys, and proceeded to start a scene. I was gentle, used the toys slowly, and really wasn’t my normal Dom self. In my head I was holding back due to mis-perception of the situation, and I failed to get her into the sub headspace that would make the scene work. In short I wasn’t giving her what she needed. She ended the scene part way through and we had downtime.

In downtime we talked about everything, and I realized I wasn’t being true to myself as a Dom and that I didn’t need to be so gentle and treat her like a doll. She needed what we had before the pregnancy (and the first part of it), and needed me to be back to my full Dom with her. The worries in my head shouldn’t have affected my enforcement of the rules that we had both agreed to just 10 or so days ago. I should have known that we were back in full D/s mode when we signed it, but I was still treating her like she wasn’t able to handle a good scene. I wasn’t enforcing rules that should have been enforced, and I let her down. She even tested me during downtime by nor using “Sir” like she is supposed to.

After the downtime, we were able to start a new scene, and I gave it my all. This time I was really her Dom, and she was able to get into her sub headspace. We played, had an amazing time, and felt wonderful afterward. I held her as we went to sleep and I feel much better this morning (but still tired from less than 3 hours sleep).

Lesson of the day: don’t short-change your sub or yourself by overthinking things and failing to be who you are.