We started over without a contract or specific rules. This was to avoid the problem of MS wanting to “win” everything, including aspects of D/s. It went well for a little while, but now it has disappeared entirely. Work got in the way and she has no time for anything; Me, herself, children. Everything suffered from it. I don’t even get replies to texts anymore. I always support her in her work and personal life, but recently she hasn’t been accepting help. We are all supposed to stay out of her way so she can bring work home and work until bed time has passed. She is not taking care of her own health or fitness.
There is a big difference between
When she accepted help in our D/s before, it was beneficial. She ate better than she does now and didn’t skip as many meals. She spent time with the family and didn’t stay on the phone or computer with work all the time. We were all happier.
I’m sad that she gave up and has not tried to come back to D/s. I am here to support and take care of her, and I do many of the same things I did in our D/s. I’m not going to stop cooking and making her eat, and trying to keep her healthy and happy. I may seem a bit withdrawn, but I believe it is the lack of part of our relationship, the D/s. It takes two for D/s. The Dominant can’t “fix”things or make it all work alone. There also has to be a Submissive who wants to submit and does so. If the answer is “why should I?” or “who cares?”, that Sub isn’t ready to submit yet.
MS posted a pro/con list on her blog. It showed that we both benefited from D/s, and that we were happier with it. But every time I try to say anything or bring up D/s, she shuts me out and gets back to work. Her list also shows that there were some assumptions or miscommunications in our D/s. She said that she turned everything over to me, but I believed that I was only taking control in certain limited areas. We had discussed that, but it didn’t get any further. I can’t be the only one to work on D/s. When it worked, it was wonderful. I hope we can get back to that type of place.
I will continue to do what I do for her, and wait until she is ready to come back to D/s. Right now she doesn’t seem to have the time or desire to work toward it. The best support I can give right now is to be there for her, take care of her, and try not to cause extra stress.