Counter-intuitive

New contract, new try at 24/7. Worked well for a few days again, then spiraled into a mess of me having to ask her to do everything. When we spoke about it in downtime, she said that all I had to do was tell her I need her to do it for me. I was thinking: what have I been doing the whole time if that wasn’t telling her what I needed, and what about the contract?

She also mentioned that she needed more d/s sex. That had been reduced because all of my time was taken up trying to get her to follow the contract. It seems counter-intuitive. She expects the rewards first, and I am giving a reward before she gives 24/7 submission and complies with the contract.

Not exactly counter-intuitive if you think about it in the framework of needs. If she needs the d/s to feel submissive, I’m not really rewarding her for bad behavior. I’m using it to bring her mind back to the right mindset for 24/7 d/s.

I tried it that way the last couple days, and it has improved drastically. One bit was semantics about how I communicate my needs to her, and the other bit was getting her in the right mindset before expecting perfect behavior. I know some will say she needs to submit first and ask for shat she needs respectfully after, but that becomes more difficult when stuck in a cycle of noncompliance and frustration from not getting what is necessary for the mental side of submission.