Spousal Privilege

MS wrote a post on roles within a relationship: https://marriedsubmissive.wordpress.com/2016/10/29/spousal-privilege/

It made me think about roles within a marriage, both traditional and modern.

In previous decades, women were expected to marry, have children, and care for the home and family. The man would work and the woman would keep house. While this was the common expectation years ago, these roles have changed. I’m not saying those beliefs are dead or wrong for everyone; I know that many couples still follow this structure and it works well for them, especially in the context of D/s.

In more recent times, gender roles in a marriage have changed. In this economy it is much more difficult for one spouse to provide for the entire family. More and more are having to rely on 2 jobs in the family to make ends meet or sustain their desired standard of living. Behind closed doors, roles have changed too. The wife is not expected to take care of all of the chores a housewife of the old days used to. Husbands can help with dishes, children, laundry, cleaning, etc. No one is locked into a role anymore. In our case, I know that we each take care of what needs to be done, but some tasks are easier for one, so that one tends to do that activity more.

Each partner has needs, and it is up to the couple to communicate those needs or get to know each other well enough to discover them in the other.

The other night I had plans. Plans that didn’t happen. I was a little disappointed, but she needed something else that night. She needed downtime to talk, snuggle, and relieve some stress. We used the time before sleep to connect and just be with each other. Each day and night there are different immediate needs that may interfere with plans. Each night we adapt and meet those immediate needs.

In the larger picture, we have needs for each other. As an example, she need my Dominance and I need her submission. We are still learning how to implement this optimally for us, but it is not yet complete. I ask things of her that she doesn’t necessarily enjoy on her own, but enjoys when she sees me deriving pleasure from it. Some rituals or chores take time, and it is easy to put them off. I am finding that I still need these to be done, and I must communicate how I feel when they are not done. For example, I may feel that she is not trying to please me if she fails to do something I have asked her to do. It is something that takes effort, but I asked and it was not done. I have asked many times and it hasn’t been done in months. I begin to wonder why she won’t do it, and puts it off. It isn’t anything that has been communicated to be as something she won’t or can’t do, and she has done it before. I know that the day is busy, but I still want her to take some time do do things for me.

It goes both ways, and I try my best, but I’m not sure if she has the same feeling above. I just thought about it based on her post, so I will be discussing this with her when we find time.

Sometimes it takes a reset 

Sometimes life goes on and d/s falls to the wayside. A reset may be just what will bring it back.

I’m not talking about a reset spanking (although that may also work for some), but something that brings about the right head space for both parties and kicks the Ds back into gear.

This happened for us last night. Ds had dwindled to nothing, and life went on.

I woke up to an almost naked MS scooting into my side of the bed and pushing me over. Very naughty. I played with her breasts, and she expressed her displeasure in the bratty way, trying to tell me I couldn’t just play with them as and when I pleased. I wasn’t going to have any of that, and she ended up against me with my hand around her neck. I explained in no uncertain terms that she was mine, and was mine to play with however I pleased. We each said the other can’t just turn it on and off, and there needed to be Ds every day.

It all devolved from talking into kissing and touching, and resulted in her losing her remaining clothes and begging me to take her with her bottom in the air. I was going to have her my way, not exactly the way she wanted it that night. I asked her what else she thought I wanted, and ordered her to ask for the plug. she hesitated for a while, but eventually asked for it and a spanking. I obliged her with the cane and the plug, then took her from behind. After I finished, I used my tongue to bring her to orgasm. She asked for permission to cum, as she is supposed to.

Fast forward to this morning. Sometime last night MS promised to be good and asked me to write every day for her. I agreed. In the morning she did her ritual perfectly. I was impressed and very pleased. It got better throughout the day as she checked in and used “Sir”, and capped it off with the ritual greeting and my evening clothes when I arrived home. I am pleased with her efforts and they will be rewarded. I realized how much was missing without the Ds, and will do my part to maintain it going forward.

Times of stress and regaining what is lost


We have our differences, and that is what makes life more exciting. We each have needs, likes, wants, and we find a way to give each other the best we can. Sometimes reality gives us less than optimal results, and stress increases. We each have our fight, and “Us” falls to the wayside. I recognize when you are stressed and not doing well, and I support you and take care of you through it. Sometimes that means the D/s takes a back seat, and you don’t receive your “just desserts”. Sometimes you don’t need punishments. You need some leeway 2163132-jpg

to get through the tough situation so you can eventually refocus on us and family.

I do feel like I have taken more fire than was warranted,

but I will continue to do what I do to make life easier for you until the immediate challenge is through and I can bring you back to how we should be.


I’m not saying I come out unscathed though. It wears me down emotionally and I start to withdraw. I get tired and don’t have energy to do much, but we both get tired together.

Once we are through this challenge, we will stand back up and fight together, on the same side.

We support each other in life and work, and we will continue to. We will reach for the future together.