Spousal Privilege

MS wrote a post on roles within a relationship: https://marriedsubmissive.wordpress.com/2016/10/29/spousal-privilege/

It made me think about roles within a marriage, both traditional and modern.

In previous decades, women were expected to marry, have children, and care for the home and family. The man would work and the woman would keep house. While this was the common expectation years ago, these roles have changed. I’m not saying those beliefs are dead or wrong for everyone; I know that many couples still follow this structure and it works well for them, especially in the context of D/s.

In more recent times, gender roles in a marriage have changed. In this economy it is much more difficult for one spouse to provide for the entire family. More and more are having to rely on 2 jobs in the family to make ends meet or sustain their desired standard of living. Behind closed doors, roles have changed too. The wife is not expected to take care of all of the chores a housewife of the old days used to. Husbands can help with dishes, children, laundry, cleaning, etc. No one is locked into a role anymore. In our case, I know that we each take care of what needs to be done, but some tasks are easier for one, so that one tends to do that activity more.

Each partner has needs, and it is up to the couple to communicate those needs or get to know each other well enough to discover them in the other.

The other night I had plans. Plans that didn’t happen. I was a little disappointed, but she needed something else that night. She needed downtime to talk, snuggle, and relieve some stress. We used the time before sleep to connect and just be with each other. Each day and night there are different immediate needs that may interfere with plans. Each night we adapt and meet those immediate needs.

In the larger picture, we have needs for each other. As an example, she need my Dominance and I need her submission. We are still learning how to implement this optimally for us, but it is not yet complete. I ask things of her that she doesn’t necessarily enjoy on her own, but enjoys when she sees me deriving pleasure from it. Some rituals or chores take time, and it is easy to put them off. I am finding that I still need these to be done, and I must communicate how I feel when they are not done. For example, I may feel that she is not trying to please me if she fails to do something I have asked her to do. It is something that takes effort, but I asked and it was not done. I have asked many times and it hasn’t been done in months. I begin to wonder why she won’t do it, and puts it off. It isn’t anything that has been communicated to be as something she won’t or can’t do, and she has done it before. I know that the day is busy, but I still want her to take some time do do things for me.

It goes both ways, and I try my best, but I’m not sure if she has the same feeling above. I just thought about it based on her post, so I will be discussing this with her when we find time.

Sometimes it takes a reset 

Sometimes life goes on and d/s falls to the wayside. A reset may be just what will bring it back.

I’m not talking about a reset spanking (although that may also work for some), but something that brings about the right head space for both parties and kicks the Ds back into gear.

This happened for us last night. Ds had dwindled to nothing, and life went on.

I woke up to an almost naked MS scooting into my side of the bed and pushing me over. Very naughty. I played with her breasts, and she expressed her displeasure in the bratty way, trying to tell me I couldn’t just play with them as and when I pleased. I wasn’t going to have any of that, and she ended up against me with my hand around her neck. I explained in no uncertain terms that she was mine, and was mine to play with however I pleased. We each said the other can’t just turn it on and off, and there needed to be Ds every day.

It all devolved from talking into kissing and touching, and resulted in her losing her remaining clothes and begging me to take her with her bottom in the air. I was going to have her my way, not exactly the way she wanted it that night. I asked her what else she thought I wanted, and ordered her to ask for the plug. she hesitated for a while, but eventually asked for it and a spanking. I obliged her with the cane and the plug, then took her from behind. After I finished, I used my tongue to bring her to orgasm. She asked for permission to cum, as she is supposed to.

Fast forward to this morning. Sometime last night MS promised to be good and asked me to write every day for her. I agreed. In the morning she did her ritual perfectly. I was impressed and very pleased. It got better throughout the day as she checked in and used “Sir”, and capped it off with the ritual greeting and my evening clothes when I arrived home. I am pleased with her efforts and they will be rewarded. I realized how much was missing without the Ds, and will do my part to maintain it going forward.

Times of stress and regaining what is lost


We have our differences, and that is what makes life more exciting. We each have needs, likes, wants, and we find a way to give each other the best we can. Sometimes reality gives us less than optimal results, and stress increases. We each have our fight, and “Us” falls to the wayside. I recognize when you are stressed and not doing well, and I support you and take care of you through it. Sometimes that means the D/s takes a back seat, and you don’t receive your “just desserts”. Sometimes you don’t need punishments. You need some leeway 2163132-jpg

to get through the tough situation so you can eventually refocus on us and family.

I do feel like I have taken more fire than was warranted,

but I will continue to do what I do to make life easier for you until the immediate challenge is through and I can bring you back to how we should be.


I’m not saying I come out unscathed though. It wears me down emotionally and I start to withdraw. I get tired and don’t have energy to do much, but we both get tired together.

Once we are through this challenge, we will stand back up and fight together, on the same side.

We support each other in life and work, and we will continue to. We will reach for the future together.





Giving Pain

The last couple days has seen MS and myself tired and feeling under the weather. The dynamic suffered and expected rituals/events were omitted. Punishment didn’t happen at the time due to tiredness/illness.

Early this morning, MS woke me up. She asked me to punish her. I know that when she asks for punishment or pain, she really needs it. I got up and brought back 2 canes, a 3 tail plastic flogger, clothespins, gag, and collar. She asked if she should count, but I replied that she wouldn’t be able to.

She assumed the commanded position, on her hands and knees on the bed. I put the collar on her. I then installed the gag, tightly. I started with the larger of the two canes, not at full strength, but harder than a normal warm up. She jumped a bit at the first stroke, but she settled into it without breaking her position. I was having fun giving her the pain of the cane, and she was enjoying it too. At that point, I didn’t feel like punishing her anymore, and it became a test to see what she could take.

bdsm-caning (source: Google)

I switched to the thinner cane, and gave her many strokes of that as well. I didn’t bother to count. I moved on the the plastic flogger for more of a sting.

I stopped to add clothespins to her labia, and 2 on each breast just next to the nipple. She groaned with the pain from those, but held position. I was proud of her for that. I moved back to the thin cane and made her bottom pink with it, increasing the strength of the swing gradually.

I removed the clothespins and placed one on each nipple, watching her expression as I closed each one. The vision of pain on her face , combined with the intake of breath as each one bit down was beautiful.

I caned her more, increasing the intensity. When I was finished with the cane, I removed and replaced the clothespins on her nipples in a slightly different position. This gave her the existing ache plus a new sharp bite as they were replaced. I loved it.

I took her from behind, pressing her chest down into the bed, thereby twisting and squeezing her nipples harder as she was forced to place her weight on the clamps. I stopped once to adjust the clothespins again and continued until I was finished.

I removed the clothespins and had her wait in position until I was finished cleaning up. I moved her to her back and removed the gag. I plugged in the magic wand and used it to great effect, teasing her a little, stopping, making her ask for clothespins again, then making her cum (after asking and receiving permission). I kept it on the spot until she couldn’t take any more and managed to ask permission  to stop. I love doing that and it seems to be difficult for her to think coherently enough to remember the request and voice it.

I helped her clean up and she snuggled against my chest to sleep.

Seducing Sweet Submission

Last night, MS and I had scheduled play time. We had dinner, put on a movie, and started. It seemed disconnected and we retired to the bedroom for some downtime.

During downtime, she lay with her head on my lap, and we discussed our dynamic and made some breakthroughs. She described how she was feeling, and that sometimes she doesn’t feel the submission at all. Her head is not in the right place, and she often thinks only of how to be bad. The time off from D/s was detrimental to our dynamic and pushed us apart from each other. I needed to start from the beginning and teach her how to be my sub again.

I started at square one. I talked to her about how a sub should ask “how can I make my Dom happy?” instead of “how can I be bad and push buttons?” I talked about the things I do for her, and my reasoning behind each one, to show her my thinking process and how I take care of her. I talked about how each made me feel, and asked her how she felt when I did those things for her. That opened it up to the other side as well.

She asked me what I wanted from her, ritual and otherwise.

In public, I need some physical contact. That can be holding hands, sitting so our legs touch, etc. Of course, this is all limited by reason and the situation, but an effort should be made to make the contact. I also need the dismissive and disrespectful language to stop, including bratty questions such as “so what?”, “who cares?”, etc. Deliberate pushing of buttons or bratting should be limited unless a punishment is desired (and will be earned and given). A “Sir” here and there when no one will notice would also help the dynamic and feed my Dom. She also needs to check in with me during the day so I can see how she is doing and make sure she is eating well.

In private, I need my instructions in the bedroom to be followed (i.e. prepare in a certain way, wear this, do that, insert this, position x, etc). MS has always been good at this, but recently she has been questioning directions and trying to run the show in bed. We will start with position training again, and she will learn to please me as much as possible.

We also discussed rituals and “chores” that would begin again. When we did them before it appeared to devolve into a game of “how much can MS get away with before being punished?” This time, I described each ritual or chore, and how it made me feel when she did them properly, and asked her the same. This helped her understand why I asked her to do certain things, and how they helped our dynamic. I won’t get into the background details here, but the rituals/chores were: Bracelets in the morning, kneeling at night when ready for bed (wearing night dress, no undergarments), set my clothes out for the evening, refill the water pitcher and place it on the side table with the cup, shave properly and routinely, use “Sir” regularly (or with every response in high protocol), Apply my lotion after bath, hug and kiss to greet when one of us comes home to the other (with “presence”, not busy on the phone, etc.). Kneeling will include discussion of the day, our D/s, and anything else appropriate at the time. Kneeling quiet time should be spent reflecting on how to please MD, and our D/s.

Happy with our discussion, we then had sex. I moved over her and slowly explored her body with my lips, kissing and licking just about everywhere, and paying special attention to her breasts and nipples. She had shaved for me, and I was very pleased with the smoothness. I went down on her and licked her to orgasm while playing with her G spot. (She asked permission to cum like a good girl). After she was done, I had her climb on top of me and ride me for a while. I love the look on her face and the gasp when she lowers herself all the way down on me. I flipped her over and took her from behind. I started slow, and she pushed back against me to get more. I toyed with her ass with my fingers, and let her push herself back on my finger until it was as far as it could go in. She usually resists fingers there and prefers toys, but she didn’t give any resistance this time. I kept a finger in her while I took her from behind and talked dirty to her. After I finished we cleaned up and I fed her “sex bears” and water while she lay on my chest. We drifted off to sleep snuggled up together.

This morning, MS said she didn’t remember part of last night. She slipped into subspace after her orgasm, and only remembers enjoying playtime after that.

It was a wonderful night, and I woke up a little tired, but happy.