Trying something new

Last night, we tried something new. Prior to the last couple weeks, bondage has been something to get into to meet the goal of sex, and get out of quickly. Happily, we have recently focused on exploring our wants and needs, and have discovered more flowing scenes and a greater connection with each other. This has allowed expanded play, and enjoyment of the entire process.

Last night I wanted to try something new. MS had expressed a disinterest in leather harnesses/belts in the past, and I brought up the idea again. She agreed, and I set up a slow scene. My goal was to help her achieve the right headspace to relax.

We started with a leather 5-point harness, and I laid her down on the bed. I added leather belts at ankle, calf, below the hips, and around torso near the wrists. This had a mild mummification effect.

She relaxed into it, and I watched to make sure she didn’t panic. Instead, she enjoyed it, and asked for more. I filled her request, with a gag, leather hood, and nipple clamps. I let her relax, and played video games for a while, laying next to her. Every few minutes i touched her gently or flicked a nipple clamp. After about 30 minutes, i turned off the game and focused my attention on playing with MS.

After we were both satisfied, I removed the bindings and we snuggled together. During our talk afterward, MS said she achieved a great headspace, and would be interested in doing this again. I am amazed and ecstatic about MS’ new desires to explore our possibilities. I am a happy man.

Note: The scene started as a “let’s try this for relaxation”, but turned into a full scene once MS asked for the extras.

We’re back. Rope scene.

We have been absent for a long time on this site. MS’ site may be found at https://marriedsubmissive.wordpress.com/.

Rope bondage/Shibari has long been an interest of mine, as well as an element that MS enjoys sometimes during our play. I particularly enjoy the technical aspects of rope work and the resulting beauty of rope on skin. The bondage aspect adds to the allure and to the scene.

It had been a long time since we played with rope, and last night was an amazing re-entry into that part of our relationship.

As she prepared, I was distracted, watching her naked beauty as she undressed and used lotion. I lingered before retrieving my rope from where it is stored.

We started with a tortoise shell tie (hishi karada), standing. It was more for warmup, practice, and just seeing how it would look, opposed to being part of a scene. My intent for the scene was to include sex, and that tie does not allow for easy access.

Normally, MS does not enjoy the tying process as much, and is impatient to get to the “good part” (sex). She also is usually in a rush to remove the rope at the end. This time, the experience was completely different.

I untied and led MS to our home gym. It has enough floor space for rope work, and I set it up with a yoga mat, blankets, bolsters, and RGB LED light strips. I set the color to red. I also laid out my rope and a steel hook that MS requested for the scene.

We started on the floor together, sitting face to face. We started a yoga music playlist. I held her, running my hands over her back, then pulling away slightly to touch her face. We kissed, as I continued to hold her and run my hands over her entire body. She shifted to a position on her side on the floor, with her head in my lap. This is a favorite resting and bonding position of ours. I continued to run my hands over her body, and started speaking softly next to her ear.

I described the steps I would take to tie her, and what I would do with the hook and her body after she was tied. Normally, I do not go into the type of detail as I did this time. I compared the rope work to a web, which I would use to capture her and have my way with her.

I sat her up and turned her to face away from me. I picked up my first rope and slowly tied a chest harness, constantly touching her and talking softly. This time, I focused on making the back of the tie look beautiful. After the chest harness was complete, I laid MS down on the mat and moved down to her legs. I tied each leg in a frog tie using 3 tiers of rope extending toward each knee. I couldn’t resist having a taste while her knees lay open to each side with her feet together.

During this process, MS relaxed into the tying and did not try to adjust the rope or show any impatience. This was my first time tying this slowly.

I turned her over to lay face down across two bolsters. Her bottom was in the air, supported on her knees, with her feet tucked close from the frog tie. I tied her hand behind her back in a box tie, attaching her hands to the back of the chest harness. Now that she was completely restrained, caught in my web, I leaned down to quietly remind her of the request she made for the hook before we started the scene. I inserted it slowly, and tied the looped end to the back of the chest harness as well.

I ensured that she was comfortable and proceeded to take her from behind. After I was satisfied, I removed the hook and the rope restraining her hands. I laid her on her back and gave her her pleasure and release.

I carefully untied her legs, and covered her with a blanket as she was coming down and feeling cold. I held her, warming her and comforting her as she recovered from the feeling of cold. I helped her sit up and removed the final rope, the chest harness. I brought water for MS and we lay together for a few minutes, then got up to clean up, snack up, and go to bed.

We snuggled and held each other while falling asleep. It was a perfect evening.

In my experience this time, I learned more about MS and her headspace. Communication, setting the scene, and ensuring comfort help her reach the place she needs to be to truly enjoy the entire experience. This scene was more about the journey and experiences than reaching the end result of sex. I will use this to grow, and to improve our relationship and future scenes.

Ms put me first, and I really felt it. I made it to the right space and enjoyed the scene more. I felt our love and connection, and it was amazing.

Holidays

We made Christmas cookies today.

Couldn’t help it:

The Little Things

We are slowly getting back into our routine. Christmas was busy and after Christmas was as well.

Last night I came to the bedroom to find my pajamas, water, and a nice candle waiting for me. I knew MS was thinking of me and made an effort to please me. I changed and came to bed happy and warm. 

This morning I found my toiletries set out for me in the bathroom, along with a new type of flossing device to use. Again I saw the effort MS put into it and taking care of my needs. (I found out it was intended for last night, but I didn’t see it in the dark. It still made me happy.)

MS: I wanted to say thank you and I see and appreciate the effort you are making. It makes my life easier, and I can spend more time with you. I Love You.   -MD

Walls and Expectations

D/s has suffered and lost in the face of real life, stress, kids, work, and more. There isn’t enough time in the day to do everything we need to do, which leaves no time for us and D/s. One of us is always tired, sick, or taking care of the kids.

This round of suffering and giving up follows after the recent election. Each time we try to get back on track and revive the D/s, only to let it fall flat. The first few days are great, leading into days where nothing is done, and both of us think the other is not trying and doesn’t care.

Each time it starts with en event or stress. This time, it was the presidential election. MS was talking to our daughters about Trump and the opinions he has voiced regarding women. She told me that right now, in this environment, she has to be strong, and she didn’t think D/s would fit with that. She asked me for time to think about it. I agreed, like I always do, and gave her time to contemplate it. We grew apart while I was waiting for her to decide, and now it has gotten to the point where the (non-D/s) relationship isn’t as it should be, and walls have gone up. Walls have gone up on both sides. I want and need her as my sub, but it is always her choice. I am hurt when she withdraws her submission for whatever the reason of the day is, and it is hard to trust her when she says she wants it back later. In my view, she has given it up many times for many reasons. If we get back into it, what’s to stop her from doing this all over again and hurting me again? When it is gone it is a void, and I have a hard time connecting and allowing myself to hope for anything. Once it is given up, I don’t have the Dom status to continue the D/s. I can’t maintain the relationship alone, and that’s what it feels like I am trying to do in these D/s valleys.

Our walls and responses manifest differently. MS starts to do bratty and mean things to try to get a reaction, then says “we’re not doing D/s, so who cares, what are you going to do about it?” It is accompanied by a refusal to communicate, and a lack of intimacy and physical contact.

I shut down, ignore things she does to annoy me, and lose my desire for intimacy.

Both of our reactions together make life miserable, and we usually try D/s again, eventually. It is accompanied by hesitancy on both sides. “What if the other messes this up again? Where is the leadership? Where is the submission? Why should we try again when it has failed so many times and I will be hurt again when it fails again?”

This pattern leads me to a conclusion. I need the D/s. MS needs the D/s. We keep coming back to it, and it makes us happy and fulfills needs. As her Dom, I need to reject any half assed “break to think” from D/s, and push through. I need to maintain it and keep her along with me on the right path. I know she needs it, and I will care for her by providing it even when she has doubts. I will provide the leadership and structure she needs to submit.

Vote

To all of my followers in the US: vote. We may not have any ideal candidates in your mind, but we do need to pick someone. The electoral college is strange as well, but the more people vote,  the clearer the outcome will be.

Work mode and protocol

I have recently discussed protocol with MS, and one interesting item came up. One of the protocols is to use “Sir” when alone. She mentioned that it is very difficult for her to remember to use it while in Attorney Mode, which is when she is discussing work or doing work. I agreed to suspend that protocol during those times, as it has been impossible to maintain it while in attorney mode. She is still expected to use “Sir” at other times though.

Readers, I ask your thoughts on this.

Thank You,

MD

Tough Decision

What do you do when your sub is being horrible, using bad words, and talking back?

If she is sick while doing the above what do you do?

I tried to bring her back where she should be, but I ended up needing to paddle her bottom anyway.

After some down time it was much better. 

I think cookies later also helped.

Service

When one thinks of service in D/s, usually a picture of the sub serving the Dom comes to mind. The sub may cook, clean, do laundry, prepare clothes for the day, etc.

Sometimes it works the other way. Despite the assumed standard, a Dom can serve the sub to make her life easier. Recently MS has been stressed and overworked. It took time and energy away from D/s. After discussion, I decided that increasing my part of the chores would help her reduce stress and give her more time to focus on us and D/s. I am doing it to help her and our relationship. It doesn’t make me any less of a Dom, as I am taking care of her, just in a non-traditional way compared to the classic views of D/s.

Simple Night

After a long day of errands and taking care of everyone, It is nice to just sit with MS and eat.

No further plans tonight besides making sure MS is warm, comfortable and sleeping.